Hallelujah! Coming home after a busy day of life to these beauties made all the stress worth it!

Ps- You know you have too much on your plate when you wished you were still at work because it was the most relaxing, least stressful part of the day! I guess awesome co- workers add to that to :)

Chapter by chapter we press on...

It's quite crazy to think that one week from today, begins a whole new chapter and season in my life. I honestly could not be more excited and joyful. Although this past season has been a good one, in terms of growth and learning, I am glad it is coming to a close.

This past year or so has been one like none other. It too was a new chapter in my life where I embraced many new things, adventures, opportunities and people. It was an intentional year. Not by me, but by God. He knew what I needed, where I needed to be refined and how to make me a stronger, more independent, yet compassionate and loving person.

Not one thing in this past year was anything I ever expected and there was very little consistency in the cards I was dealt. I truly felt like a wanderer this past year. I traveled the country, made many new life long friends, lost a few good friends, had my world view rocked by an old, decrepit bed ridden blind woman, shed many tears and had many laughs. There was little stability and consistency. This year was a roller coaster, full of reminiscent of the past and dreams of the future. It was a conflicting year, it was challenging and it was intentional.

Sometime with in the past 2 years or so, I vowed to never let anything in my life be in vain. I never wanted anything that happened  both good and bad, to just happen or just be. I wanted it all the have purpose, intention and meaning. And although I can never fully accomplish that, I do genuinely strive for that, in both the big and little things in life. That is what gives me hope and keeps me going. Knowing that with every person I met, every conversation I have every interaction I may have no matter how brief, I have the chance to make some sort of impact or impression. Whether you realize it or chose to, you do leave an impression or impact in every single situation no matter how small. It is all up to you on what you will leave.

I am not going to pretend that I always leave a good, fulfilling impact or impression because that is definitely a lie. But I try my best, and with each day I learn a bit more and grow a bit more. Some days my heart grows a bit softer and other days my walls grow, but its a process and a journey and I won't let it be in vain.

 Looking back on the year there has been a common theme and a phrase that I have said in my head who knows how many times this past year. Sometimes I just stop and think,

Wow, how did I end up here?

Some days I have found my self in situations that I should never have put myself in or been anywhere near thinking wow, how I did get to this, more as a reality check to myself.  And other days I find myself saying wow, how did I end up here, in a complete awe and reverence statement.

When all is said and done, this year has been one like none other. Although I have hit some extreme low points, I have never in my life been fulfilled with so much joy and contentment. Although everything around me may seem crazy and chaotic, I have never felt so much utter peace that just fills me with an explainable joy.

True joy is not circumstantial and I truly believe God has taught me just an inkling of what that statement really means.

So, it has been good, filled with more growth and development, trials and tribulations yet un-surpassing joy than I could have ever even fathomed, but I ready to close this chapter and finally open up the next.

But honestly who even knows that this next chapter is going to entail. As of now, it is completely blank.  Looking back on my past chapters and seasons, I see that with each one its get further and further from left field. I feel my life continues to deviate further from the norm as time passes. Good or bad thing? Still trying to figure that out. Seasons and chapters are never what you expect or intend them to be, but that's the fun in life, the unknown. So I am giving up on expectations (well trying) and trying to pre-write the chapter.

So, I will leave it blank and let it write itself. Only time will tell.

Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?--Matthew 6:26

See, I have got nothing to worry about. He's got it!  

International Love!

Now that our blog is being read daily in 9 countries and 5 continents, we are working out all the glitches for international donations (well kinda). As I am sure many of you international reader know, our PayPal will not accept any foreign cards. We are sorry for this inconvenience, but would  still love to help you donate. Please e-mail us at barouke2@yahoo.com or leave a comment with your e-mail address and we will give you further information to our Barouke account to ensure safe and secure international donations.

Thanks again for all the support around the world!

If your in the LA area...

...or want to come and support us in our trip come out this Sunday May 27th. Adrian will be speaking briefly about our trip in hope to raise more funds, support and prayers!

Come to Angelus Temple @ 9am or 11am (click here for a map)

Angelus Temple (also known as the church that never sleeps. Open 24/7 there is always something going on) is an amazing church located in Echo Park between the 101 and Sunset Blvd. They are connected with The Los Angeles Dream Center, which focus on inner city outreach. It is a volunteer based program that currently serves over 40,000 people a month. Trust me, even if your not into 'church' the dream center will rock your world. Angelus Temple and The Dream Center have more outreach programs than you could even imagine, but check out a few projects. If you can donate even just Saturday, I promise you won't regret it. Don't take my word for it, check it out yourself.

Or come out this Sunday, hear Adrian speak, and find out how you can get involved and give back to the community. Stop by afterwards and say hello, we will be passing out cards, and giving more information on the trip and the details of it all. 

Thanks again for all the help and support, and don't forget you can come to either to 9am or 11am service! Text me if you want to come with and cheer her on from the audience (no way I am getting up on that stage!)

15 days....

Compassion. Where is mine?

It is of no shock to anyone that knows me that I may not have the softest heart. Over the years life has hardened my heart. But the tragedy of it all...I had no idea this entire time.

I am a nurse. A nurse is the epitome of care and compassion. Nurses are often described as loving and gentle. I know I am a nurse. I know God called me to be a nurse, no question there. Yet I lack compassion and don't even claim to believe in love.

I know. I know. It all sounds crazy and doesn't add up. Right. I know, I have been puzzled by these same thoughts for many years.

• Why won't I accept any help or care from others, yet I want to help and serve others?
• Why won't I let anyone into any area or aspect of my life, yet I expect others to break down their walls for me so I can truly know them?
• How can I show so little emotion, yet inside have so many that I just don't know how to express?
• Why I am still so selfish, yet I find most joy and pure contentment when giving to others?
• Why do I trust no one, yet give everyone the benefit of the doubt?
• Why do I not even believe in love, yet all I want to do is love and serve someone?
• How can I deny love exists, yet claim to know an all gracious and loving God?
• How can I have so many walls, when I claim to live in freedom?

Contradictory? Yes! Romans 15:7 comes to mind, 'I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead I do what I hate.'

That's just it. My heart is hardened. 

Just at the mere thought of those simple words my head is flooded with examples from my everyday life and relationships where clearly my heart is hardened. It is who I am, I can not deny that. Yet I will never settle for who I am and will always strive for who I want to become. 

Recently I realize that these unnecessary high, deep thick walls of mine are getting me no where. It's not that I am unhappy by any means, I am just realizing that I am missing out on so much by guarding  and preserving myself. I am a strong willed, independent, determined girl and too much of anything is toxic. Vulnerability is a scary thing, yes completely. But even the small amounts of soul baring vulnerability I expressed in my life, is terrifying yet one of the most freeing things. 

That's the funny thing about walls. We get so entrapped in so delicately building our walls so tight and thick, that we forget to leave cracks for love, compassion and care to penetrate in. 

I don't feel my heart is hardened towards God. I have faith in His perfect plan that (well I can't say NEVER) but generally do not question God and what He has brought me in and through. I know none of it will be in vain. But I always wondered if deep down I am angry and filled with angst and bitterness? I have looked back into my past many times and tried to assemble the pieces, but I realize it is not in looking back but forward that comes healing and restoration.

My question isn't who, what, when, and how did this happen. I know that from the moment I was born to this very moment in time that every single person I have let in or out of my life, that I have allowed them to have the effect on my life they did. No person can harden or soften my heart with out me allowing it. Sure bad things are going to happen, we will be wronged and life happens but it is all a learning experience in how we perceive the situation. I have to make that conscious choice to not allow my heart to be hardened to people or situations in my past, present or future. 

So, all in all, it doesn't matter who, how when and why. We can trace anything back to one person, one circumstance but the sum of how we have allowed life to affect us. The past is the past, and it is what it is. The question now is. where do I go from here?

How do I even begin to soften my heart?  What a better place and time to begin to soften my heart and begin to see love in an unjust and cruel world that rural India? What a blessing to be able to learn to love and be loved for the first time in such a place. God has big plans, I feel it, I know it. 

An unexpected e-mail.

We received such a lovely and encouraing e-mail today.

Dear Beloved sisters in Christ,

Today we held a prayer meeting for you and your travels.

Wow. Short, simple yet powerful right? I felt so honored and blessed. I mean who are we, three random nurses from the United States and here they are preparing and praying for us and our travels. Taking time out of their day, money out of their funds to make us feel welcome. Here I thought we were the ones praying and preparing for them, never did I ever expect them to do anything like this for us. It truly blessed me and touched my heart beyond words. 

I don't know why we ever had a worry or a doubt. It is clear that He has already gone before us and prepared the way. I already have so much love in my heart for these people and feel more than welcomed. What an honor, truly. 

SIDE NOTE: A week or so ago, Ratnam, the head of the orphanage, asked us to send him our best picture. We weren't sure why, but figured it was to recognize us when at the airport, but found it strange he kept asking for our 'best picture'. In a hurry one day, I decided to finally send him a picture and picked a random one of us three, with out thinking twice. Note to self: when they say best picture, make sure its a good one! I think I literally gasped out loud at work when I opened the e-mail and saw our faces larger than life. Kinda funny, not even going to lie. 

dreams and aspirations.

Every little girl has a dream. Some dream about the perfect fairy tale wedding and being a princess. My dream was a bit different (not to say being a fairy tale princess wouldn't be nice, but lets be realistic). Every since I was young, it was my dream and life goal to work with HIV/AIDS patients in Africa. It was one of those dreams as a girl, not sure where it came from, if it would ever come to be but I knew that is all I wanted to do before I die. In my mind I had 80 ish years to accomplish this goal.

There I was, 19 years old, sat in a rural clinic of Mukoma, Rwanda counting out large white pills for this dying decrepit woman, clearly losing her battle to AIDS. It hit me in that moment, with that particular woman, I remember it as clear as day. At 19 years old I was in the midst of accomplishing my life goal. Wow, what a blessing it was to be in that moment realizing what I was actually doing. Barley a year out of high school, I realized I was young and beyond blessed to have the ability to not only actually accomplish my goal but at such a young age. But hey, I was 19, my life was barley beginning and I needed another life goal. I mean I still had what 60, 70 years maybe?

Within the next year or so in college my new life goal and dream began to form. I wanted to help start a clinic in a third world country. Now this was a more long term goal for me. Thinking that, okay I will become a nurse, work, have a family, save money for year and years, and maybe when I am 40 or 50, I can begin to work at accomplishing this goal. It has always been a long term dream, and never did I ever actually think it was tangible. Starting a clinic is expensive, time consuming, and take a lot of dedication.

It hit me again today. At 23 years old, here I am about to venture off into the world of helping to start a clinic in a third world country. What?! I thought to myself, I have known what I am going to India to do, and I know what my long term life dream was, but I never put them together, until it clicked today.

I always had a vague picture in my mind of how it would be, how I would go about this momentousness task. This is never what I had in mind, but God knew all along and I couldn't be more thrilled. It just goes to remind me that when God's hand is at work in what you are doing and working towards, its hard yes, but you realize it was never in your hands in the first place and it much easier to just let God do His thing.

So, here is to the next chapter in my life. At 23, never did I ever think I would have been the places I have been, seen the things I have seen, experienced the things I have experienced and met so many amazing people, but I have. Why has God blessed me immensely? Good question. But if this is only the first 23 years, my gosh I can not even begin to fathom what He has in store for the rest. I can only be filled with joy and smile when thinking of what is to come.

I guess it is a good thing that I am an ambitious and driven person, but I feel I have accomplished my life goals so early, where do I go next? I pray that God begin to lay the next dream and goal on my heart, but lets get through the next few months in India first!

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for the orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you--James 1:27

And so that is what I strive for.

Irony at its finest.

The story behind BAROUKE!

Well there Adrian and I were sitting in a Starbucks in West Covina at about 10pm. We had been sitting there all evening trying to create our website. If you know us personally, you know this was not an easy task. I am a perfectionist and want to rule out all options before making a final decision (even if it text color!) and Adrian on the other hand thinks everything looks good and can't tell the difference between off white and antique white (critical decisions here people).

Adrain was tired, I was delirious acting a fool, so of course we had fun yet accomplished nothing, Kinda felt like nursing school days. We were finding fonts for our blog and there was one called 'Barouke'. No idea what the font looked like, but Adrian kept saying 'Barouke' and of course I thought it was funny and some how we came to the idea that 'we are Barouke'. We liked it. Half serious but half as a joke I told Adrian we should name our blog that. She looked at me crazy so then of course I was 100% serious that should be our name. Tired, ready to go and probably annoyed with my delirium  she agreed. And there Barouke was born. A bit as a joke, but hey we didn't have to tell anyone what it meant, right? Well we Googled it. It's an antique style of furniture. Eh, we will just make up a story if someone asks.

Little did we know that although we were laughing and thought the name was great, God was looking down laughing at us, saying you idiots you have no idea what that even means!

Well, Sheree text me today and told me that Barouke in Hebrew (spelled differently in the Hebrew language but pronounced the same) means Blessed! Crazy right?

No we are not an old antique furniture, nor will we restore your furniture, but blessed, that we truly are.


It's the little things in this whole adventure and journey from day 1 that remind me that God is saying,   "Go! I have already gone before you, just go. I have plans for you, big plans. Trust me. Go."

The translation may be off, I don't no any Hebrew!

Here is an update on our fundraising money situation-

$1,500- A random woman Adrian met at a spa who loved the idea of what we were doing so much that she offered to pay for Adrian's plane ticket! Take about a miracle and a gift from God!
$410- Our wonderful friends Chris and Bethy McKinsey. What a blessing they are.
$150- Garage Sale (another sale coming so stay tuned or contact us if you have anything you would like to donate)
$100- Allen White blessed us with our very first donation and start up fee. Couldn't have done it with out him.
$100- Christina and her sister. Thanks again girls for the love and support.
$50- Ada White. PS everyone, this girl can do a pretty awesome Tiny and Toya impression. Thanks Ada :]

That's a total of $2,310! It may not seem like a whole lot, but God is providing in ways we never even expected! Although it seems impossible, we have not a shadow of a doubt that we will be fully funded for this trip. Please continue to help and support us in anyway possible. You can donate on our gofundme website (Click here!) or on the blog donate button to the right. We are truly grateful for any donations you are able to make, even if it just $1.

Your donations go to help fund three registered nurses donating their time, services and supplies to rural villages through out south east India.

We appreciate you all, and thanks for supporting us and following us in this journey. One month from today we will be somewhere between Los Angeles and India. Possibly on our layover in Germany (I sure have missed those giant pretzels)!