Terrified, I can't even lie.

I am. I am completely and utterly scared. Most of the time I think about this whole trip and journey and my soul is filled with wonder and optimism, but recently a different feeling has crept in. I can't sit here and lie and say everything is going to be great, we will be safe, nothing major will happen, but I realize nothing is guaranteed.

When I went to Rwanda, it was through an organization. They took care of all the logistics, all I had to worry about was my heart being in the right place and fundraising of course. They wouldn't send us some where unsafe or put us in a position where a lot could be compromised. But this trip is different. We are closing our eyes and jumping. No safety net, no parachute, nothing. Just the expectation that God is going to catch us. I can think of specifically one other time I have blindly jumped in my life, and God was more faithful than I could ever have imagined. So it will be okay, right?

Generally I am not a scared person. I am strong willed, independent and will do anything I put my mind to. Although I have not been given a spirit of fear it has over taken my soul these past few days. I am realizing the reality of severity of the situation. The reality that there could be a huge natural disaster while in India, I could catch a life threatening illness or disease, I could be kidnapped, sold into trafficking, I could find myself helpless in many unsafe situations. What if we run out of money? What if we get arrested? What if we are held hostage and tortured to death? There is so much that is running through my head, especially in regards to a huge tidal wave or monsoon (random I know). Most of these seem quite dramatic I know, but they are real genuine fears of mine (mostly thanks to Hollywood of course!)

This is by far the biggest test of faith that I have ever experienced in my entire life. This trip doesn't make sense, it's not easy, it's not pretty, and it costs ALOT of money out of pocket. But God has done some huge things in regards to this trip this past week (which a post will be coming later) that reminds me with out a shadow of a doubt, that this is God' will for this season in our lives.

God is faithful. God is good. He is sovereign. And then I remind myself, honestly Kelsey if God is for you, who can be against you? No fear, no person, no circumstance nothing. He has already won, so I am going into this knowing that no matter how this trip goes, how it ends and what happens in between nothing will be in vain for no what faith and destiny is already secured.

Since a young girl I have heard and read of story after story of God redeeming love and His sheer protection in the most obscure circumstances (Daniel and the lions den, Shadrach, Meshach and Abendnego, David and Goliath...just to name a few) and my God is the same today, yesterday and forever so why would this be any different?

Yes, we know not all stories end as these did, with the happy ending. Some end in death, pain, and torture, but even in that there is glory to be given.

Pray for us. We would greatly appreciate it.