Barouke

Came to the realization that this isn't going to be easy, mentally, physically, spiritually and logistically there is no cake to be had here. I finally admitted to myself that although this is an exciting adventure, I am scared. Deep down I am filled with complete and udder sheer fear. As much as I cringe at the comfortable, stable seemingly stagnant life, I am beginning to get it. Its easy, comforting, not much risk therefore not much to be lost, or gained. Although everything not perfect and ideal, I am content and comfortable. Its easy, so why would I want to make things difficult for myself. Well, that's just me I guess.

Adrian and I had a good heart to heart last night about the trip. We both got busy within our own separate lives this past week or so which was the perfect breeding ground for doubt, fear and uncertainty. There are many people in both our lives telling us we are stupid for this, we shouldn't make rash decisions, the whole idea is unpractical and there is no way we are going to make any impact. Although we are both strong, independent girls, this does wear on our souls quite heavily. 

And these are the things that remind me that I HAVE to go, I just have to. The fact that I am comfortable and starting to into a routine, means I need a change. Personally I grow most when I am stretched, uncomfortable and uncertain, which is why I tend to throw myself into those type of situations. Combined with the fact that more people than not, and surprisingly more believers than unbelievers are doubting the great works and miracles my God can do. Really? Of all the great works and miracles throughout time, you really think THIS is to big for our God. I am sure you are mistaken. 

So yes, I am terrified. I won't even lie. Living in India for two months during monsoon season (were are contacts are telling us it can get up to 115 degrees with pure humidity) in an orphanage with no walls, eating white rice for three meals a day (literally, well we get an egg on Sundays!) trying to maintain our sanity while caring for the 'unclaimed people of the streets' with the minimal medical supplies, well its clearly not going to be the most joyous time of my life. I am excited, but honestly I am not. I know its going to be hard, a struggle and I am sure down right miserable. But I am excited for the growth, the realness and the transformation of lives.

This is who I am. This is what I was created for. This is why I became a nurse. I will not let fear overshadow that. 

What fears in your life are holding you back from allowing you to be the person you were created to be?